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pontisbright: pontisbright (Default)
Once upon a time, before John Nettles played a policeman investigating ridiculously unlikely crime amongst the posh people of Midsomer, he played a policeman investigating ridiculously unlikely crime amongst the posh people of Jersey in Bergerac. Like Shoestring only shit, Jim Bergerac's claim to fame was his massive nose and extraordinary poetic skills ability to make a map of Jersey mutate into his own name once a week. How the criminals cowered!

As if shagging Leela every week weren't enough to assert his Whovian cred, old Jim met up with a certain ginger gentleman in 4.04, 'Low Profile'. In the interests of skience I have tracked it down...


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After Planet of Shorts, Stricko demanded something a little less revealing from wardrobe.

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Oh noes! The fangirls can still see my infamous eyebrows!

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Stricko takes the opportunity to get a good pout in.

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Uh-oh: Welshmen!

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They're trying to drown me! Even though I'm wearing a breathing tank. I could just swim a bit further away and then they'd be stuffed!

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Or I could expand my acting repertoire by being a big spazzy coward.

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*flutters eyelashes damply*

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Oh noes, more drowning!

Dialogue triumph as the Welshmen sail away:
Cliff: You should've given him one, Gareth.
Gareth: Not worth it, mun. Pathetic little bugger.

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What do you mean, this is my only other scene? I'm all pretty-looking when I don't have people trying to drown me!

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*sulks*

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I'll even prove I've learned not to do that thing where I look over my shoulder all the time to make sure I'm on camera.

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See?

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This is 1985, for heaven's sake. Stop checking out the secretaries.

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He's mine, sunshine. Now naff off back to Trion.

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*flounces*

And that, tragically, is all the gingerness there is. In fact, the episode is so badly written that they could've dispensed with the B plot entirely, since at the end Jim says 'oh, we never really sorted out all that stuff with the boats from the beginning, did we?' and Crozier just grins. Ah, they don't make them like they used to.

However, the show did finish with a thrilling car chase. On Jersey. A very small island. And since they weren't bothering to make the plot make sense, there was time for this: yes, morris dancing!

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It seems the people of Jersey LOVE their morris dancing.

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A fun day out for all the family. But what's this?

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It's the Morris Police! RUN, LADIES WITH BELLS ON! THEY'LL NEVER CATCH YOU!


Bergerac being the Casualty of its day, the rest of the Whoniverse of course receives excellent representation.


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Leela.

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That bloke from The Green Death.

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I spent the whole time thinking this guy was Shockeye. Poor man.

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Lamia from The Androids of Tara, so ImdB tells me.

Apparently someone else was in The Leisure Hive, but the bit-parts were so badly differentiated I couldn't work out who and capped the wrong one, oops. :(

And last but not least: Beryl 'Earthshock' Reid!
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You're not looking Babs Cartland enough, darling, slap a bit more on.
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Now wasn't that educational?

Comments

ext_4030: Branch of holly with its binomial name, Ilex aquifolium (Default)
[identity profile] strangefrontier.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 03:14 pm (UTC)
He's got Dalek bumps on his wetsuit!
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
Proof that he is evil!
[identity profile] anne-asta.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 03:19 pm (UTC)
God, this is hilarious. I'm in love with your captioning skills.

Also? Ruffly-headed Stricko, blond even, isn't so bad ...
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
Isn't so bad? HE'S EXTREMELY SNOGGABLE, shush now.

Besides which, he's such a red blond I am pretending he's still ginger. And not looking like a dork in that wetsuit.
ext_10637: (Default)
[identity profile] kseda.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 03:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, picspams with funny captions. How I love thee.

I'll even prove I've learned not to do that thing where I look over my shoulder all the time to make sure I'm on camera.

*ded*
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:05 pm (UTC)
Seriously, the man has TWO scenes in the whole thing. You'd think he'd give the camera some lovin' in the one where he wasn't being menaced by Welshmen while wearing the scuba equivalent of a gimp mask.
[identity profile] snowgrouse.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC)
The scary thing is that the suit makes him look muscular or at least burly, when nothing could be further from the truth. Tee hee.
[identity profile] ionlylurkhere.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 04:08 pm (UTC)
That had me giggling from the very first line!

Never mind Earthshock, Beryl Reid is the original model for the old-lady Iris according to Magrs, isn't she?
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I dunno: Iris is still in my 'I haven't got to those bits yet' file.

Beryl's surprisingly good in it: she has a lovely cry scene. Even though I was grumpy because by then her plot had taken over the whole thing, and the liklihood of further gingerness was dimming. :(
[identity profile] alocin42.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 04:10 pm (UTC)
Bless him! That's sort of how Planet of Shorts might have turned out if they hadn't been given permission to go on holiday to an island somewhere hotter. It'd have to be known as Planet of Rubber Suits instead, and Jek would be jealous...
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:08 pm (UTC)
Somehow I feel Peri's introduction might have been a bit less memorable if she was in a wetsuit. And we would've been deprived of the Speedos, oh no!
[identity profile] --kali--.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
Those kids are seriously unimpressed by the morris dancing.
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC)
Their expressions of potent boredom were too, too amusing. I can just picture some producer leaping about going 'look interested, you're going to be on the telly!', and them all going 'it's only Bergerac, I was on that last week, yawn'.
[identity profile] snowgrouse.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC)
WIN!

Hee hee hee hee. I've been wanting to see the whole ep for ages, I only saw a tiny bit of the end once and went "Hey, that evil chick off Creature From The Pit" and then SCREAMING at the end titles when Stricko's name came out.

Also arrgh at Welsh taunters, since I know Gareth Thomas is in one ep. Albeit with a comedy tache, but still.
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:10 pm (UTC)
Tedium beyond belief, I promise: he's only in the first 4 minutes and the rest makes very minimal sense.

Everyone was in Bergerac. It was some kind of law in the 80s.
[identity profile] snowgrouse.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
Ohhyes.
I wonder if even the Chris Boucher-penned ones are any good. I found Bergerac rather boring even as a kid. He spends so much time arsing about driving or walking around the island, shags Leela for a bit, then Terence Alexander bitches at him a bit, and crime is solved. Zzzzz...
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 19th, 2007 09:30 pm (UTC)
Bergerac is astonishingly dull. It's just very unambitious: here's some half-arsed plot, here's a bit of scenery, here's a 'comedy' interlude with Charlie, the end. The first episode is obviously trying something a bit grittier (he's still pretty much an alcoholic and has been sent there to sort himself out) but they jacked that in for something a bit more housewife-friendly. The really awful bits are the later series when he's moved to France, and thus the sole USP of the show (look, Jersey!) is knackered.
[identity profile] lablackey.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 19th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
*salutes you* I thank you for your contributions to the oft misunderstood science of minx observance.
[identity profile] pontisbright.livejournal.com wrote:
Apr. 19th, 2007 09:27 pm (UTC)
It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it. :)