Half-inched from vandonovan, and maccine, who started this madness.


5 LEAST FAVOURITE ARCS:

1. Time-Flight. Because much as the sight of Nyssa being assaulted by a bubble-bath monster is amusing, the whole thing is just hopeless nonsense.
2. Love and Monsters. Paving Slab. That is all.
3. Four to Doomsday. Unspeakably boring. Tegan's Aborigine dialect skillz. And that beardy Greek bloke is memorably shite, in an era when the guest cast were fairly universally so. Even Davison's rubbish in it.
4. Dragonfire. A slightly random choice as I'll admit the ending is quite sweet, but for the love of Pete, Glitz makes me want to curl up and die. A crap monster at a time when they had ceased to be legitimised by a budget of ninepence. The cast are uniformly awful and they go to a space bar which would have looked a bit shoddy and hackneyed if Buck Rogers' sweaty nylon torso was in there getting down to some 'futuristic' music. Argh.
5. Father's Day. I know, I know, I have no soul. But it doesn't work! The very idea he'd take her there in the first place is absurd: then they flip back through time to the same moment but aren't still there: then there's that nonsense with the empty TARDIS (a lovely image, that goes nowhere and makes no sense at all), and the glowy magic deus ex machina key, and the Reapers who make all other episodes ever cease to work, and OH GOD IT PISSES ME OFF. There is some lovely stuff in there, and some of the dialogue is divine. But that only makes me more annoyed since it should've been brilliant - and thus it nudges fear Her and New Earth out, even though technically they're probably crapper.

(Please note I haven't seen any of Season 23 since it aired. :P)


5 FAVOURITE ARCS:

1. Enlightenment. :D Oh, what's not to love, seriously? I still love the 'space race' premise, and then there's Nurse Gladys Emmanuel as a deranged pirate wench, Leeeeeeeeeee John being hilariously terrible, magic celery #2, 'Vacuum Shield Off', Tegan's unnoticed (but lovely) frock, the immensely creepy Marriner, Turlough wriggling about in chains, Turlough being adopted by sailors as some kind of porn mascot, Turlough flailing about on the floor shouting 'DOOOCTOOOOOOOOOOOOR!'... Genius.
2. Caves of Androzani. Because it's properly good, above and beyond the usual rubbish that I like in Who, and it still leaves me feeling shattered and bereft no matter how many times I watch it.
3. The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances. 'Are you my Mummy?' = terrifying. The conclusion is so beautifully structured, so perfectly done, and it's funny and heartwarming and 'everyone lives' and hurrah. 'Well, I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves.' Oh, Jack, you were so great when you were a cocky manslut on the make. We miss you.
4. Terror of the Zygons. Action!Harry, Evil!Harry, Nessie, the Brig in a kilt, hilarious rubber aliens and their fondleable console of porn, Sarah poking out her tongue, Four being attacked off-screen and squeaking: oh, so much love. Genesis of the Daleks is probably better, and has a giant clam, but for some reason I adore this one.
5. City of Death The Girl in the Fireplace Mawdryn Undead The Mind Robber Planet of Fire The Web of Fear (if there was more than one bloody episode of it) Black OrchidThe Tomb of the Cybermen Dalek City of Death. For shoes and Paris and hats and skipping, and John Cleese and Eleanor Bron, and This Is A Fake, and Duggan, and green squiggly spaghetti-headed aliens, and Time Ladies with clock faces, and oh bugger, it is a bit too good to be ignored, really.

Blimey: two Fives, two Toms and a Nine. How odd.


5 LEAST FAVOURITE FEMALE COMPANIONS:

1. Mel. I'm sure Bonnie is a lovely lady, but Mel grates on me like I am cheese.
2. Katarina. Cheating, probably, and I've only seen the one episode, but by god she was annoying.
3. Peri. Sorry, Peri.
4. Liz Shaw. Her mascara annoys me to the point of discomfort, and while I have in no way seen enough of her to pass judgement really, she, um, lacks warmth. I'm sure I'll see the light eventually.
5. Purple Tegan. She's a useful device for puncturing Fluffy Beigey and his happy TARDIS family, and when she comes back and actually wants to be there she has moments of snarky brilliance - but I mostly want to smack her in S18.

(Phew. That saves me from having to be rude about Leela.)


5 FAVOURITE FEMALE COMPANIONS:

1. Barbara. Just the hair alone would do it, really. But she's that weird sexy/maternal mix, and is so completely brilliant in The Aztecs, and I covet her bra.
2. Sarah Jane. She cheats because we know the fabulous crazy lady she turns out to be, and I have so much love for older Sarah with her attic full of photos and space junk and Mr Smith. But I do love her 'plucky gal' stuff, and she somehow manages to make being the girl-needing-rescue not irritating.
3. Romana. If pressed, II, purely from what I've seen. Anyone who can make their own sonic screwdriver, which the Doctor surreptitiously tries to nick, must be slightly fabulous. Plus, you know, clothes. I am easily swayed by clothes.
4. Jo. I am fickle, because she did used to annoy me rather a lot. This really is mostly about clothes again.
5. S1 Rose. Which is mostly down to Billie, because on paper Rose is a fairly unappealing figure to me, but she is honestly delightful in that role - until they ballsed it all up and made her crap. But before the incomprehensible character destruction, she was glorious.



5 LEAST FAVOURITE MALE COMPANIONS:

1. K9. Who might be male. Possibly. He's a pain in the arse, anyway.
2. Adam. Not because he is himself especially awful, but because I despised what they used him for: resigning him to a lifetime of terror and probable persecution or loneliness, for a giggle, for revenge, because he was greedy and a bit stupid. Er, what show is this again? Are we meant to like these people? An early glimpse of that nasty New Earth/Rise of the Cybermen cliquery, and a deeply depressing ending to a shite episode.
3. Adric. Sorry. I liked him when I was small! But not so much now I am less sympathetic towards nervous pocket-acting and poor falling-over-invisible-tree-root skills.
4. Yates? He's a bit rubbish. Though semi-canonically gay, which almost makes me want to give him a pass. But not quite.
5. Kamelion. Yes, I'm cheating again. Shh.



5 FAVOURITE MALE COMPANIONS:

1. Turlough. Surprise! I think I have waffled about his loveliness before now, perhaps once or twice. But I still love him. He's so useless at being evil, but also quite useless at being good. And there is the sluttiness. And the uniform. And the angst. He is ginger perfection, and the most interesting companion ever. So there.
2. Harry. I bet he'd make you a lovely cup of tea in the morning, eh? Nudge, nudge, say no more, squire! He's got a cravat and says 'old girl' and is bumbly and solicitous and adorable. Yes please.
3. Ian. Half Kenneth More, half Richard Briers, all cardigan. *smushes*
4. The Brig. I don't care if he technically counts or not, he's a bloody marvel. I love him even more now I realise he was in the Two era. FFS, someone please write him into the new series before we lose the opportunity?
5. Steven. He is a SPACE PILOT FROM THE FUTURE. That's more than enough for me. Plus he's all action-heroic, and even though I've hardly seen him at all, I absolutely would. :) I forgot Jamie! Oh dear. *hangs head* See, so few boy companions, and still 5 is not enough.


5 FAVOURITE VILLAINS:

1. Sharaz Jek. He's such a terrifying pervert. It's borderline parody, because he's practically rubbing his thighs in a Vic Reeves fashion, but the gimp mask and fake eyelashes somehow make it all the more creepy without losing any of the camp. I suspect the 'prattling jackanapes' scene may be my very favourite Who moment ever: such a grand pissing contest.
2. Cybermen, 1960s style. The ones with the hollow cut-out eyes. Brr.
3. Sea Devils. I may have only encountered them in their rubbish 1980s wonky-headed T-shirt-wearing incarnation thus far, but the voices? Pant-wettlingly scary.
4. Clockwork Androids. Such a beautiful design.
5. The Master. For the subtext alone.


5 FAV DOCTORS:

1. Five. My Doctor.
2. Four. He's so completely barmy. Lots of very very good stories, and he's probably the only one of them I still enjoy even if I don't like the companion.
3. Two. Oh, dear old Two, how I wish I could unburninate you, for every moment you are on screen makes me happy, and you would be everyone's beloved if we could only see more of you.
4. Eight. Because there are (at least) three of you, and I like all of them. Plus you are pretty and if only you had a nicer wig and less Eric Roberts, things might have been so different.
5. Nine. Just. Because there are moments in Dalek and The Doctor Dances and The Parting of the Ways that will always be beloved, and because he revived my old fondness for a silly old bit of telly I'd half-forgotten, and made it all sprightly and internet-fandomish for me.