Somehow, last night, screencaps of Petey looking camp as Christmas led to the contemplation of a Five-era drinking game. And it's my night off work. Let the boozing commence!

The Fundamental Rule: drink whenever anyone puts their hands in their pockets. (courtesy of spiritedchaos)
The Drink: Sonic Screwdrivers (recipe from the DW cookbook, courtesy of taleya)
The Episodes: I'm starting with Earthshock. Plan to move on to Enlightenment, assuming I haven't lapsed into a coma by then.


Additional rules: drink whenever
someone dies (two if it's Adric)
'brave heart, Tegan'
Fivey puts his glasses on
Fivey takes his glasses off
there is bondage
Fivey squeaks
Cybermen make a ridiculous noise

Sonic screwdriver:
Ice
Mint
2 shots vodka
2 shots martini
4 shots orange juice
Mix (duh)


OK: well, I haven't got any mint. (THREE supermarkets failed me. Is there some kind of mint famine?) But I do have the other ingredients, all of which sound like they will make something unpleasantly sweet that will make me feel ill.

*goes away to get mix-y*
*mixes*
*tastes*
*coughs like a girl*

Good god. If I make it to Adric's Tragic Carking-It, it will be a miracle.

*fires up the video*
Speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeow-Oooo-eee-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...


Ep 1:
Oops, forgot to mention the 'drink for innuendo' rule. Clock up one 'Going down again must be hard', and a 'random emission':D

Adric has a habit of putting his hands in his pockets ONE AT A TIME. Let's hope he dies before I do.

Booze count: 19, 8 of which were pocket-related. Not quite one a minute, but not far off.


OK, moral dilemma: when a Cyberman dies, does one drink? (See, it's not just mindless alcohol abuse, it's a thought-provoking exercise to foster debate. With drinking.)


OMG, episode 2 is fabulous. And I don't think it's just the booze. The sheer CAPSLOCKness of the Cyber dialogue is priceless:
Activate THE COMPUTER!
Explode THE BOMB!
MOOOOOORE POWER! *shakes fist*
There's even a Mr Burns 'Excellent' accompanied by handrubbing. Yay for the Cyberleader, for he is marvo.

In fact it's all marvo. Bomb surgery! Flashbacks to One and Two and Four! Raiders of the Lost Arkesque modelwork inside the cargo hold! Adric and Fivey making up! I actually like Adric in that bit. (OK, that's definitely the Sonic Screwdrivers.) But it's so sweet, bless them. It's downhill from here though, cos Ringway is great but doomed, and there's a lot more Beryl to tolerate. I much prefer the 'running about in caves' bit to the 'hanging about on a ship with Cybermen' bit. Possibly this makes me bad at skiffy.

Oh, and the flashbacks made me sad, because they will never do that again, will they? Bet Julie Gardner has issued some kind of memo saying it's not allowed. Boo.

Booze count: 17, of which a preposterous 14 were pocket-related.



Ep 3: god, this one's cracking too. I mean, sure, Beryl's lippy is a bit off-putting. The general air of 'Nans In Space' is not helped by them saying things like 'I'd better tell the computer what we're doing', which is the sort of thing my mum actually thinks. The Doctor appears to have forgotten what he said at the end of the last cliffhanger, and only remembers Cybermen when one of them helpfully walks onto the monitors. Adric looks weirdly pregnant, and Tegan's hair really pisses me off. And that's before we really explore the 'so why are the Cybermen putting a bomb on Earth and sending a big invasion army there too?' issue. (Bloody Eric.)

But we get Crazy Tegan and her Neurotic Cyber Overkill: clearly what happens when she isn't curtailed by heels and a leather miniskirt, eep. We get Nyssa being really quite kickarse and pwning everyone (even if she is only doing it so a bunch of them can pointlessly stay in the TARDIS for script purposes). We get the totally great visual of a Cyberman walking halfway through a door and melting into it. Five and Adric have a sort of Maths-related pissing contest too (Five wins, ner).

The Cybermen have a true gift for cliche. 'He must be taken alive!' 'We meet again, Doctor!' But they have a thermal lance, which is a bit rude-sounding, and therefore wins.

Also: cling-film, polystyrene, sneaky low/high camera angles and mirrors > CGI, any day. The 'shit, the reinforcements are coming' bit is brilliant.

Booze count: a paltry 8, of which only 3 were pockety.



OK, have now decided this is the Best Who Ever, which is plainly True and Not At All to do with booze. There's so much to love: Fivey patronising the Cyberleader (if the ship hit Earth 'you would be very crumpled'); Fivey describing Tegan as 'no one of consequence' then declaring 'I want Adric too!'; the whole 'flower, sunset, well-prepared meal' speech.

And the jeopardy, people. There's proper genuine absolute oh-shit jeopardy. Adric's on the bridge of a doomed ship, trying to solve a logic problem by cracking a code before it crashes - AND there's a wounded Cyberman staggering his way. The Doctor and co have been hauled back to the TARDIS where the Cyberleader is going to wait till they're done with Earth and then shoot them - AND there's another Cyberman lurking in the ship. All this, and there's genuinely a get-out: Adric genuinely can get off the ship with the others in the escape pod, and chooses not to, because he wants to solve the puzzle. And he has to not solve it, or we are all dinosaurs, except OMG woes etc. There's no getting around it: however much I think Adric is a tit, that's brilliant. Totally totally brilliant.

And OMG how dare Tegan give him shit in Resurrection when she is such a total psycho in this? Even Nyssa goes mental and shoots a Cyberman. And the Doctor too. The whole thing is really horrible and the 'guns in the TARDIS' make me ill. I can forgive the 'even Nyssa shoots things' stuff as evidence of the degree of the threat: the vanishing state of grace thing is bothersome, though. Did they just forget, or is there canon I missed? Tegan needs a good hard slapping after this, either way: her 'at least the Earth is safe now' comment when THERE IS A WHACKING GREAT CYBERMAN IN THE TARDIS - well, duh.

Love how Beryl gets better billing than Waterhouse in his Memorial Credits O' Silence.

For the love of god, won't someone give Five a hug? *volunteers*

Booze count: a feeble 9, only 4 pocket-induced.


RESULT: booze count of 53. Headache level: minimal, but I definitely felt a bit teary about the squinty one, which I take to be clear evidence of the impact of naughty drinking.